Is BDSM Right for Me?

March 4, 2016

 

Is BDSM right for me?  Have you ever encountered BDSM and felt a curious desire deep within but dismissed it as something you would never explore because BDSM is harmful and damaging.  Or perhaps you felt it was just plain wrong.

 

When I was first approached to play a BDSM scene, my first thoughts included the following:

 

  • Why would anyone in their right mind want to receive or inflict pain?

 

  • There must be something wrong with a person who likes to receive pain.  They must feel guilty about something and be mentally unstable.

 

  • A sadist is even more unbalanced.  Who in their right mind would get off by inflicting pain on another person?

 

Yet another part of me felt curious and I must admit, excited at the prospect.  I even felt sexually turned on by the thoughts that raced through my brain. 

 

A few months later I learned some new information about BDSM.  There are many myths about BDSM that I had to learn factual information before I could accept BDSM as a healthy activity between consenting adults.  It opened a whole new area of my life which brought me on a journey of erotic adventures, psychosexual healing, and spiritual awareness.

 

Some Mythology and Facts about BDSM

 

Myth:  People who are into BDSM are mentally ill. 

 

Fact:  Most people who engage in BDSM have no mental health problems and have no history of mental illness. 

 

 

Myth:  BDSM is all about pain. 

 

Fact:  While pain may be a part of BDSM for many submissives, the objective is to fly in subspace.   When one flies in subspace, they are taking a spiritual journey into ecstasy.

 

 

 

Myth:  A Dominant is a Sadist who loves to inflict pain without regard to the submissive. 

 

Fact:  In a BDSM scene, the submissive can slow down or stop a scene using safe words / signals.  The submissive has the ultimate control of the scene.

 

 

Myth:  BDSM is a non-consensual activity that a Dominant imposes on a submissive. 

 

Fact:  All parties give consent during negotiating a scene.  Continued consent is monitored during the scene by the Dominant.

 

BDSM is often filled with paradoxes which defy logical reason, but bring about new meaning at an intuitive level of understanding.

 

For most that practice the arts of BDSM, it is about being safe, sane, and consensual between healthy adults.

 

Many professionals including lawyers, mental health practitioners, and medical professionals enjoy BDSM role play.

 

When I first heard about BDSM I believed many of the myths and misconceptions about BDSM.  I once thought who in their right mind would engage in BDSM.  Fortunately I experienced some amazing situations that opened the door to new possibilities.

 

Passion

 

I once had a girlfriend who was a passionate lover who scratched and bit me during lovemaking.  This added passion and excitement to our love life.  By experiencing intense passion, I became more open minded and this helped open the door to new types of sensual experiences.

 

Excited and Aroused

 

Later I met a friend who educated me about the reality of BDSM.  At first I was hesitant and felt like I was weak minded for even considering becoming a submissive.  I thought males are not supposed to be submissive.  Dominant males are not supposed to hit a woman.  Women are not supposed to be Dominant and libidinous.  At the same time I felt excited and aroused by the thought of BDSM play.  

 

Sensitive and Caring

 

Then I started going to BDSM play parties.  I saw Dominant men and women who were sensitive and caring with their submissives.  There was a deep bond between the Dominant and their submissive. 

 

Ecstasy

 

You may have some of these same concerns.  Yet BDSM can bring self empowerment and a stronger self confidence.  When people play, the Dominant starts with light play and works slowly to heavier play.  As endorphins built up in the submissives body, the erotic intensity brings many submissives to a state of ecstasy.  I can tell you, I don’t like pain.  What I discovered is that for me BDSM is not just about pain, it is about flying in subspace.  It is about intense erotic sensations which are a different type of pain.

 

Catharsis

 

Since then I have experienced healing from living in a sex-negative culture and from growing up in a dysfunctional family.  I discovered that BDSM can be paradoxical.  As I gave my Dominants power through a BDSM power exchange, I became self empowered and I gained healing from old emotional wounds.  This occurred through a process called catharsis.

 

Appropriate Environment

 

One type of spirituality which is not often thought of in that way is ancient Greek theater.  In the theater, the audience did not observe passively like in modern theater, but rather became involved with the play.  During tragedies, the audience pounded the floor with their fists, pulled their hair out, and agonized with the presentation.  This process provided the Greeks with an appropriate environment for expressing their darker emotions.  They called this process “catharsis.”

 

Reaching Catharsis

 

In our modern culture, BDSM provides people with an appropriate environment to achieve catharsis with the darker psychosexual part of us.  Role playing, emotional edge play and bondage provide an excellent arena for exploring our darker psychosexual nature and reaching catharsis.

 

Empowerment

 

Another paradox I discovered in BDSM is empowerment and healing through the process of submission.  As a child when I was punished, I was totally at the mercy of those who punished me.  Needless to say, I was emotionally wounded by the time I reached young adulthood. 

 

It was through BDSM role play that I received psychosexual healing and self empowerment.  In BDSM role play the submissive is given safe words.  Ultimately the submissive has the power to stop a scene. 

 

Later when I became a Dominant, I discovered the power of taking a submissive on a journey into sub-space.  A whole new arena of adventures opened up in my life.  It felt awesome to take charge and allow the sadist within me to play.

 

A Realization

 

My Dominant was patient with me yet very commanding at the same time.  My Dominant challenged me to push my boundaries.  As I pushed my boundaries and faced my fears, I realized that my inner child was healing and becoming stronger. 

 

I realized in my core being that I would never have to experience non consensual punishment like I received in childhood ever again.

 

Mysterious Properties

 

I became fascinated with the mysterious properties of BDSM role play.  Over the years, I started exploring the spiritual aspects of BDSM.  I learned a lot of information and techniques to use in BDSM scenes.  I learned that what I once thought of as a questionable activity was actually an activity that would transform my life.  Through BDSM role play I have experienced growth, empowerment, and a deeper spiritual connection.

 

Amazing Realm of BDSM Role Play

 

I invite you to explore and discover the amazing realm of BDSM role play and discover the opportunities for healing and growth.  Since I don’t know your story or your situation, I can’t promise that you will have a similar experience as mine.  It will take learning and finding competent people as play partners.

 

You will need to learn new skills in BDSM role playing to experience personal development and growth.  What I can demonstrate is that I have taught many people and most of them have had amazing transformations in their life.  Welcome to the realm of adult BDSM role playing and I hope you have an amazing journey. 

 

BDSM Groups and Clubs

 

If you feel aroused or excited about BDSM, you have taken the first step and I commend you on your courage.  Whether you are a Dominant or a submissive, it is not an easy thing to admit and embrace.  I highly recommend locating a BDSM group or club to explore with kindred spirits.  To find a BDSM group or club near you, perform a Google search for BDSM.

 

A BDSM group is a good way to meet people and learn about BDSM.  See my last blog BDSM Groups Gone Wrong for more information about BDSM groups and how to identify a good group. 

 

Good luck in your journey!

 

 

 

 

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