I was born hermaphrodite (Intersex). For many years, the truth of this was
hidden and kept secret. Doctors lied by omission. When I started having bleeding
once a month after reaching puberty, Doctors would not tell me what was causing
it, they only said that it was nothing to worry about and that it would
eventually stop.
As a child, I did not feel like I was like other boys. I did not feel like
I was like other girls either. I felt like I was an alien. When I first
discovered the word androgyny, I realized finally what I was.
When a baby is first born, the first question usually asked is: "Is it a
boy or a girl?" Gender is an integral part of our core identity. Even language
reflects this: we are an "it" until we are assigned a gender. Once a gender
is assigned, it influences powerful social forces upon us.
We live in a gender binary society. My true gender has been eradicated from
existence at a legal level, a psychological level, and a physical (medical)
level. In our society, there are only two genders that are allowed to exist,
female and male.
The sexual reassignment surgery that doctors performed when I was an infant
was a disservice. Gender is much more complex than just body parts. A few
cosmetic surgeries cannot change one's true gender. Gender is much more complex,
involving bone structure, brain chemistry, neurological wiring, hormones,
and much more. Yet doctors did surgery and sent me into the world as a male.
The problem is that I was not born male and I do not have all the necessary
ingredients to be a male. I could go into a lot of technical details about
biological gender building blocks, but that is not my purpose here. If you
are interested, go to the Intersex Society of North America to learn more
at: http://www.isna.org/.
A few cosmetic surgeries cannot change our true gender. I am not a male and
I am not a female. I am a hermaphrodite, a blending of some female components
and some male components. All the Psychological and Neurological testing
confirm this. I am neurologically wired differently from females and males.
I have twice the normal wiring between the hemispheres of my brain. I have
EEG brainwave patterns that are unique. So even at the level of the brain,
my brain does not have the normal sex characteristics that males and females
have.
On the emotional level, I do not conform to gender stereotypes. I am highly
sensitive. I have a high degree of empathy and intuition. I am aggressive
and strong on an emotional level.
On a mental level, I have highly skilled advanced spatial reasoning capabilities
and am able to perform well with multi-dimensional reasoning. Yet, I am deficient
when it comes to two-dimensional reasoning. I can perform differential equations
in calculus, but I am unable to do basic arithmetic functions of addition,
subtraction, multiplication, and division.
At a neurological level, I am a hermaphrodite. Surgery cannot change this.
On a hormonal level, I am hermaphrodite. This possibly could be altered using
hormone therapy, but I am happy with my hermaphrodite mixture of female and
male hormones.
In many ways, I am a paradox. I walk in the shadows of our modern culture.
I am seen and yet not seen. When people truly notice me, they often do a
double take. Am I a boy or a girl? What is this person standing before me?
I write about all this because I want to break the illusion that doctors
created by making me appear male physically. Long ago I did try to fit in
as a male, but since I was not born male, it was a dismal failure. Now I
am happy identifying as a hermaphrodite. It is the truth and I will not be
eradicated. In many ways, I am a boy with a clit. My body produces mixed
pheromones and a mixture of sex fluids, creating an elixir of vaginal fluid
and pre-cum drips, mixed hormones of my body bring union of desires
In ancient societies all over the world, hermaphrodites weren't only recognized,
but they had a place in the social structure. Often they were the shaman
and the spiritual guides. They were acknowledged and seen as having gifts
when it comes to spiritual matters. I now identify as a Prostitute Priestess,
a Sacred Whore.
I have been running a Sacred Sex Temple for over 10 years for alternative
communities. I have taken the Sacred Sex Temple to Flipside Burning Man,
The Radical Faeries, the bisexual community, and to Pagan Gathering. My
foundation for running the temple is from my knowledge of human sexuality
and from my visions and experiences as a hermaphrodite.
I have studied human sexuality, Tantra, The Kama Sutra, sacred sexuality,
and sex magick. I have studied sexual anatomy and physiology. I have become
an expert in the area of human sexual expression and behavior. I have also
studied psychosexual phenomenon as well as sex trances. Part of my studies
has been through college courses and part has been through my own self-education.
As a hermaphrodite, I am able to have both male orgasms (ejaculatory) and
female orgasms (both vaginal and clitoral). On rare occasions I have female
and male orgasms simultaneously. For me, gender is fluid and I am able to
shift from male to hermaphrodite to female. I have a body and spirit which
includes elements from all genders.
I find it interesting that the word shaman is a derivative of she-male and
that many shamans in the past were hermaphrodites. It is said that because
a hermaphrodite walks the path of both female and male, it prepares them
to walk the path of both the material world and the realm of the spirit.
When I was in my late teens, I had a vision that I would become a Sacred
Whore and run a modern day Sacred Sex Temple. I somehow knew that this would
become my life ambition. I am dedicated to working in the area of human sexuality
and BDSM. Sex and BDSM can be healing on a physical, emotional, and spiritual
level. I know this from my own experience. I needed healing on all these
levels because I grew up being perceived by others as a freak. Sometime during
the healing process, I discovered that the "freak" is what the doctors created
when they mutilated my genitals. I am a gift of nature. I am something rare
and precious. I am a hermaphrodite.
From living in a sex-negative society, we all need nurturing, healing, and
a safe space to express our sexual nature. I have learned to heal from
experience. I am ready to provide my gifts to the world. I am ready to bring
my gifts to those who partake in Aphrodite's Temple.
